


through the dark on a feeling

by ackermanx



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: (of sorts), Character Study, F/F, Other Characters Are Mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 09:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20405116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackermanx/pseuds/ackermanx
Summary: the thing is - vira has years of lost time to catch up on. and it has to start with her forgiving herself.





	through the dark on a feeling

**Author's Note:**

> so this started off as a katvira centric fic but slowly turned into me grabbing vira from cygames and rewriting most of her fate episodes because. it be like that sometimes.
> 
> this was actually written a few months ago but gbf f/f week felt like the perfect time to actually post it! shoutout to vapz for actually organizing it and doing gods work 
> 
> another shoutout to dazzy for betaing this and actually helping me choose an idea to start with LOL .lov ya
> 
> girls are neat.

They think that they know each other.

They think that they know each other - and in a way, they're not wrong. One does not simply go through years of Albion's schooling with someone - years of training, of late nights cramming ridiculous strategy names, of monster fighting competitions - without learning their ups and downs. The bonding process is a simple one, and what comes out of it is a relationship that's tough like steel and unbreakable.

Or, well. It should be.

Because none of that explains the fear in Katalina's eyes. None of that explains why Vira watches her sword change course at the last moment, refusing to deal the final blow. None of that explains why Katalina offers no resistance when her weapon is knocked out of her hands, why she mouths _I'm sorry_ while being led out of the arena, why there's a hollowness to the celebrations that are held after and the people yelling Vira's name in the streets.

Vira had felt a certain pride in knowing Katalina better than Katalina did herself. Now, as she sits in her bedroom and lets Luminiera's presence fill the cracks in her heart, all she feels is empty.

* * *

The next time they meet, Vira discovers how badly she wants.

She doesn't care about the strange captain or their even stranger lizard companion; she can't even bring herself to care about Lyria's presence in the crew. Vira's field of vision narrows to Katalina and Katalina only, and she finds herself thinking _why?_

So many unanswered questions. So much unresolved messiness.

The only problem is - both Vira and Katalina can't seem to bring themselves to talk about any of it.

Instead, they both pretend that if they solve things the way they should have all those years ago, everything else will fall into place. Katalina resigns herself to Vira stealing her away, and who is Vira to deny someone who's offering herself up so readily? Everything is so close to coming together, there's just the final _push_ that Luminiera herself had to provide -

And then there's Lyria. Sweet, innocent, interfering Lyria.

She's the one who pulls Katalina away, convinces her that this isn't the end because there's so much more good that she can do. That they can all do, together. The captain nods in agreement, determination evident in their eyes.

Vira does wish she had gotten a name from that captain, now. If only so she could have someone to blame. 

Everything happens so fast after that. She tries to get Katalina to stay, but the other woman is immune to that now. Vira tries to fight, but she still can't quite beat Katalina. She tries to stay conscious when Luminiera takes over, half enraged and half curious about a new challenger.

But the entire building is collapsing around them, Katalina is still so far away, and Vira thinks, for the first time in her life, _maybe I should just give up_.

She slips into unconsciousness. She has no way of knowing the panic that crosses Katalina's face when she realizes how much danger Vira is in. She has no way of knowing the way that Katalina carries her gently out of the rubble, a concerned look on her face as she explains how much she still cares for Vira.

Vira has no way of understanding why - two days later and finally conscious again - she's greeted with a friendly hand and an offer to join the Grancypher.

* * *

There are two captains - one's name is Gran, the other is Djeeta. They're twins, both somehow bonded to Lyria's soul - and Vira blinks a little in confusion, but Katalina assures her that there's nothing to worry about. And…okay. It definitely isn't the worst thing that Vira has ever come across.

She only finds this out a whole month after being initiated into the crew. It was Gran that welcomed her aboard, and it was Djeeta that had run up to her one day, out of breath and smiling and a letter in her hand.

"It's for you!" she puffed. "There was…one for Katalina, too but… I already gave that to her! If you do decide to go, our course is already passing pretty close to Albion, so it won't be a problem if I have to readjust our trajectory - "

Vira just blinked. "You? Isn't it only the captain that can do that?"

…If anything, Vira is a fast learner.

There are too many details about too many things, but Vira does remember how she got here. There was a letter inviting her and Katalina to a tournament to decide the next Lord of Albion, there were people who rigged the competition out of simple greed (the _nerve_ of them). There were people cheering for Vira in the stands, even though she could not and would not stay to rule once more. 

And in the middle of all the chaos, Vira turns toward Katalina with a solemn expression.

"Well," she says. "This is the perfect opportunity. Wouldn't you like to settle our past right here, right now?"

Vira extends a hand, fully ready to shake hands and seal the deal. She watches as surprise, confusion, resignation, and determination flicker across Katalina's face, one after the other. 

Katalina hesitates for a second longer, then steps forward and grasps Vira's hand firmly. "If that is what you wish, then…yes."

The rest of the crew is shocked into silence - except for Vyrn, who starts stammering indignantly about the whole situation. Katalina only raises her voice, continuing to barrel onwards. "Djeeta, if something happens to me, you and Gran take care of Lyria. Alright?"

Katalina meets Vira's eyes.

Vyrn finally falls silent.

Vira bursts into a fit of giggles.

"It was - it was just a joke," she explains, once she's caught her breath. "I was never really going to fight you. I don't think I could."

"Oh, well. That's a relief," Katalina says, relaxing her grip on her sword. Her eyes dart towards Lyria first and she flashes a quick smile before focusing back on Vira. "But…what do you mean by you don't think you could?"

Vira feels jealousy briefly course through her body. Who is Lyria to deserve such attentions? Surely the time spent with her cannot compare to the years training with Vira -

_She's a child_, Vira chastises herself. _You would compete with a child for someone's affections?_

There's an uncomfortable feeling in the back of Vira's mind, and she's sure that if she thinks just a little harder there will be some new revelation waiting for her. But now is not the time, and Djeeta is peering at her curiously, so Vira slips easily back into her usual persona.

"Well, that's easy!" she smiles easily. "I couldn't fight against you without holding back. Why would I want to hurt you?"

The answer seems to satisfy everyone else, evidenced by the tension draining from the air and Katalina offering to buy everyone dinner. But Vira can still feel Djeeta's eyes on her and the mild churn in her stomach, and she can't help but feel the slightest bit unsettled.

Now that both she and Katalina are no longer bound to Albion, what does that mean for them?

Now that Vira is no longer bound by her duty, what does Katalina mean to her?

* * *

The world does not do Vira a service - in fact, it does the complete opposite, giving Vira what is practically a one week vacation to do nothing but stew in her thoughts.

"Guild wars," Djeeta had mumbled distractedly. "Taking a team of people with water proficiency, everyone else is free to do whatever until we get back."

That was fine. Vira could find ways stay occupied until she was needed again.

Then she discovers that Katalina is to leave with Djeeta.

Suddenly, it's not so fine.

"Are you certain that I can't come with you?" Vira asks one last time, sitting backwards on Katalina's chair as she watches the knight do another round of checkups on her armor. The question earns Vira a small huff of laughter, at least - she smiles in private victory, ignoring the butterfly threatening to riot in her stomach.

Katalina smiles ruefully. "No, you can't. I've even asked the captain herself, and…we're only allowed to bring so many people per crew, so we need every advantage that we can get. You work better with dark and light, both of which aren't strong against the tetra elements, so…"

She trails off awkwardly, but Vira can hear what remains unsaid. _I worry about the other crew members. What if they still don't forgive you? What if you do something, and that something is too much? What if you're not there when I come back?_

And Vira is touched; she really is. But Katalina always was a worrier.

So Vira says that she'll be fine - because she _will_ \- and Katalina seems to believe her. She finally finishes fiddling with her armor, turns to leave the room, and hesitates at the last minute.

"Stay safe, okay?" Katalina says, then gives Vira a smile so gentle that it almost physically hurts.

Then she walks out to go find Djeeta.

Vira slumps backwards in her chair.

Katalina was right. Vira only gets along moderately well with the captains, Vyrn, and Lyria. She has never even bothered to interact with any of the remaining crew members - there are simply too many of them, and what were the chances that she would ever need to work with non-dark proficiency fighters?

It had seemed like a reasonable decision to Vira at the time. But now, all that leaves her with is too much time on her hands and no one to talk to. 

…This is pathetic. If this is how she's going to act with Katalina away for a short period of time, how is she going to cope with longer durations? What if Katalina dies? Not an unreasonable concern, considering their occupations - but even the thought of it makes Vira desolate and makes her heart convulse and makes her worried that when the real thing comes, she'll lose herself completely -

The air around Vira starts buzzing with energy. She blinks back to reality to see Luminiera hovering in front of her, tiny arms crossed in a show of indignation. Indignation rooted in care, if the tone of the humming is any indication, but Vira is still amused at the powerful primal beast floating in the air and _pouting_.

Vira waits for a request, a command, anything. Luminiera only continues the strange staredown until she seems to grow satisfied, stops humming, and pushes Vira towards the door in a sudden burst of energy.

She flings open the door just in time to avoid a brutal collision, and slams into a very surprised, very wobbly Gran. He blinks at Vira once he regains his footing and smiles faintly, and it takes Vira every ounce of self control not to flee in mortification.

"Hi!" he finally says. "Are you, uh, joining the rest of us for lunch? Ladiva's been outdoing herself today since Lowain's stuck in a funk, and…I don't know if you've tried her food before, but it's really good, like, _really_ good - "

"I'll go," Vira cuts him off, coming to a sudden realization that he's rambling because he's either nervous around her or afraid of her. Both aren't ideal, but…this is as good a place to start socializing as any.

So she doesn't comment on the embarrassed flush on Gran's face when he turns around to lead Vira to the kitchen. She doesn't mention that Luminiera had practically forced her outside. She doesn't talk about Katalina, even though it's hard, because once she starts she won't be able to stop.

(Katalina would be proud of her, though. And Vira would be lying if she said that that thought didn't help her.)

* * *

It starts slowly. Vira begins assisting Ladiva during meal preparations and eventually graduates to commanding the entire kitchen on her own. In the process, she gets to know the other inhabitants of the kitchen - Lowain and his friends, who she can only stand when they're not being overly dramatic; Vane, who is impossibly cheerful all the time but makes a good companion and an even better chef; Elmott, who she doesn't know what to make of yet but can respect nonetheless.

No one's inviting Vira to any outings, but for her, this is enough.

She takes the time to apologize to Lyria, telling her that she's sorry for the distress that she caused the girl all those months ago. She's forgiven quickly, due to Lyria saying that she understood it was something that Vira thought she needed to do.

Vira leaves the conversation feeling the slightest bit shaken. It was such a simple and innocent observation, but she couldn't help feeling like Lyria had managed to see into her soul.

She goes to Gran, too - might as well complete the apology tour that she started - and finds that she doesn't know what to say. What she had anticipated would be a difficult conversation turns out to be less of a conversation and more of Gran and Vira standing next to each other on the deck, enjoying the company as they watch various islands passing by.

"You know," she finally speaks up, "I had always thought about traveling the world like this."

Gran blinks, startled.

Vira barrels on. "I never thought too much about it, because it would only leave me bitter. Even if I hadn't met Katalina, even I had never attended the military academy, I think I would still feel trapped. Trapped, in one of the biggest cities of the skydom."

She turns around, making direct eye contact with Gran. "Tell me. Why _did_ you let me on your ship? I wasn't planning on letting you live. You don't seem particularly bothered by that."

"Well, I - I can't say that doesn't bother me. Not now, of course, but I hadn't gotten used to people wanting to kill me back then, y'know?"

Gran ducks his head in embarrassment. "I never really thought of you as the bad guy. Yeah, trying to kill people isn't great. But you, with your background and your feelings and your position? I really can't blame you."

Vira blinks.

And again. And again. And she keeps blinking rapidly, knowing it must look suspicious, because Vira absolutely cannot let Gran know how close she is to tears.

"Did I do something wrong?" Gran says, eyes wide and a note of panic in his voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad - "

"Quiet. You did just fine. First Lyria, now you…"

Vira shakes her head, a small smile on her face. "You're kind. You and your sister both. Even if someone comes after you, that doesn't necessarily make them a bad person - you're a strange one, aren't you?"

"Mhm! Well, being chased by a corrupt government tends to do that to a person."

Gran throws a grin over one shoulder, and Vira gives an answering chuckle. She reaches inside - feels Luminiera's presence inside of her, warm and gentle and happy.

"If I were to consider anyone to be a true friend, it would be you," Vira says, and she means it.

* * *

It's a relatively slow day. Not that many people have come in to eat - which makes sense, given that they're docked at an island right now. Vane is surrounded by apples and flour and hums to himself as he works; Vira mans the counter, alternating between watching the current occupants eat and watching the door.

The door eventually does creak open to reveal someone on the other side, and Vira is almost relieved. She perks up, a greeting on her lips, before her brain finally processes who she's looking at.

It's Katalina.

Vira bolts.

She escapes through the back room, making a mental note to apologize to Vane later. But after not thinking about her feelings for so long, seeing Katalina just once brought it all rushing back.

The way that, in Vira's eyes, Katalina could do no wrong. The desperation she used to have, wanting to stick by Katalina's side, be the center of Katalina's attention, for just one more minute. The wrenching betrayal she had felt when Katalina had left her, and all those lonely years she had spent wondering where she had gone wrong.

Gran and Djeeta, so willing to give Vira a fresh start. And despite that fresh start, she had found herself falling in love with Katalina all over again.

Vira makes it to her room, closes the door behind her, and breathes deeply.

Love. Yes, that's it. She's in love with Katalina. But while before she didn't even want to think about Katalina finding someone else, now she doesn't feel worthy of the other woman. Who is she to think that Katalina would still want her when all she has been is pathetic -

Luminiera's presence grows frantic, although she doesn't appear in person this time. "What is it?" Vira asks out loud. "What do you want me to do this time?"

She's plunged into darkness.

Vira sees fragmented images, visions of another life that Luminiera has chosen to show her. Two people in an army, one a soldier and another a commanding officer. Vira watches as they first meet, as they go through their first battle together, as they become friends.

She watches as they fall in love, but continue to dance around the subject. Her heart is in her throat when they come close, so close to admitting their feelings, but hesitate a second too long.

She feels her heart shatter in solidarity as the soldier dies in battle and the officer cradles the body of their love in their arms.

The message is clear. _Tell her how you feel. You don't have any more excuses._

Now that both she and Katalina are free to roam the world, they no longer have to worry about what other people think. Now that Vira doesn't have to dedicate almost every waking minute to Albion, she can just _be_.

Vira is alive. Vira is surrounded by friends. Vira loves Katalina, and that's all there is to it.

She opens the door, filled with new resolve and ready to confront whatever's waiting for her back at the kitchens. What she isn't expecting is to see Katalina herself standing right outside, seemingly trying to decide whether or now to knock.

Vira just opens the door wider.

"Welcome back, Katalina," she smiles, and she doesn't need to look in a mirror to know that all it radiates is pure happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on twitter @augustenian uuuuhhh lesbeans


End file.
